Too Heavy to Skydive Reviews: Paranormal Activity 4 (and all of them by extension)

I thought I’d begin the critique of Hollywood’s latest slap in the face to the American public with a little disclaimer: I have always been taught that bias should never take precedent over professionalism and that everything deserves a fair chance regardless of any preconceived notions that may work to cloud one’s judgement. And considering my historical penchant for thinking that found footage films can go to very special rungs of hell where every theater constantly loops Adam Sandler and Uwe Boll movies, I tried really, really hard to go into Paranormal Activity 4 with the straight-laced objectivism found within the pages of fine, respected journals all over the world.

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Too Heavy to Skydive (Finally) Reviews: The Hunger Games

It’s been almost a month since I’ve written a review and while I could try to come up with some heartfelt reason for it involving a dying grandpa or recent eviction the reality is that The Bourne Legacy and Premium Rush were both so blah that I couldn’t think of anything to say about them when I sat down at my computer. The Bourne Legacy departs from its predecessor by trying to involve the Umbrella Corporation and anyone without a Master’s degree in Political Science will be asleep in five minutes while Premium Rush is the longest 85 minutes in the history of action films and is about as entertaining to watch as stalking the BMX kids at your local skate park while taking a half-hour break to watch “celebrity” poker.

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Too Heavy to Skydive Reviews: Total Recall (And The Amazing Spider-Man, I Guess…)

When I inevitably become emperor of the world within a few years there will be a strict code that I’ll have carved into the Washington Monument (which at that point will be re-dubbed the Christopher Nolan Monument) whose aim will be to make the world a better place. And right at the apex of said obelisk, just above the “Thou Shalt Not Pretend That Apple Products Are Better Than Others Just Because They’re More Expensive” will be the number one rule for my new, hopefully-not-dystopian empire: “Thou Shalt Not Remake Films Under 30 Years Old” and more importantly ones that nobody fucking wants.

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A City Under Siege Part 2: Our Darkest Night

It was only a matter of time until something horrendous like the Colorado Cinema shooting happened, and, sadly, it’s only a matter of time until it does again. While I firmly believe in living our lives fully, not in fear (or “the terrorists win”), something about this started to bother me as slightly different then past events of this kind. You will have noticed the sub-title for part two of this piece “Our Darkest Night”, and while it’s clearly a play on words, I felt it could use some explanation.

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A City Under Siege Part 1: The Dark Knight Rises

I had been taking a little break from the hard hitting world of internet reviews and social commentary, mostly due to some work bullshit, but when the Dark Knight decided to rise from his self-imposed exile, so did I, feeling my work was not yet done. I requested this assignment from Fred because I felt I was the perfect person to review this film, not because I am a huge comic book fan or Batfan, but because I wasn’t. He told me Brent would most likely cover it, but I could go ahead and do the same… not only is a different perspective a good thing… but this is clearly the single biggest movie in the history of humanity…

of the year…

…of the week.

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